Every time I call my best friend when she has any or all of her three kids in the car, she immediately answers the phone by letting me know I am on speaker phone. Nine out of ten times, I tell her to pick up her fucking phone. The other one time, she has picked it up within 30 seconds of the call. If anything, I am predictable. It truly is one of my best (and worst) qualities. Just ask my husband.
My other best and worst qualities include, but are not limited to, impatience, procrastination, and an abundance of misdirected energy. DON’T ask my husband about that. He defines my energy as my inability to relax and lack of time management skills. Point in case; I would have started this blog a long time ago had it not been for fucking “Words with Friends”.
I am generally a happy person. I like my life even though it has not turned out exactly according to plan…and by plan I mean I used to have a three man plan in my younger days. My first man was just going to be rich. I would marry him for his money, divorce him, and take him for what he was worth. My second man would be tall, dark, and handsome and I would use him to breed my kids. Then I would have money and beautiful children. My third man I would not find until I was 65, because all old men are cute; I would just have to find one I love. So I married a divorcee with two kids. What the fuck??
Now, I have three kids. Two stepsons and one daughter. Still one husband. I’m deaf in my left ear and I swear that is the only reason we are still married. We used to have dogs but three of them have died within the last year. I’ll save those stories for another day.
thefbombmom 
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