I want a king size bed

And some ADD meds so I can figure out this whole blogging thing. Actually, any basic computer knowledge at this point would be beneficial to the creation of my blog. And apparently I am so attached to my Iphone that it actually pisses me off when my new laptop does not autocorrect my misspelling.

More on that later. Happy New Year!

I suppose I should give some kind of background about this blog and its purpose. I tend to say the use the f word quite freely and I’m a mom. I’m also married and in the service industry which obviously increases my admiration for the word fuck. I do love my job, my husband, and my kids. All three prove to be a constant source of entertainment.

I have three kids. Two of them are not really mine but they live here and I give them a bunch of money so I consider that close enough. Besides, SHE had to do the hard part! Honestly I do not know how anyone that gives birth would ever voluntarily do it again. Not that that is how we roll in my family… my husband and I were drinking beer(something I like to do as much as I like to say the f word) and talking to one of his much younger friends a few weeks ago. This guy and his wife are trying to get pregnant. Husband says, “I don’t know anyone who has a kid on purpose!” Husband also refers to his sperm as swimmers. I was on the shot for seven years when I got pregnant. I was actually at an appointment to get my next dosage when they told me they could not give it to me. Because I was pregnant. Four and a half months pregnant. WTF??? No choice there. Those swimmers are strong.

So kid #1 is 15. He is named after a rock star. The husband swears he was NOT named after his favorite bands lead singer. (Yeah- I know lots of Laynes). Kid #2 is 12 and HE was named after a housing development. Again, husband tries to deny this but the ex-wife was best friends with his sister when she was pregnant with kid #2. One day we were driving to said sister’s house (post divorce-pre-remarriage) and directly across the street from where she lives is a housing development bearing kid #2’s first and middle name. And not a common combination. Again…What the fuck? Kid #3 is 8 and would bitterly tell you she was named after a piece of paper. I wanted to name her after my mother so I am willing to bet she will be happy later in life to know I just kept the first letter as opposed to naming her Phyliss. Unless I am really mad, I will not tell her I wanted her to be a Phillip.

I am probably going to be done for the night(4 Bass ales in-3 words w friends games pending).