Posts Tagged 'office ass'

Things I fucking hate (about being a server)

I love my job. This week. I have known my boss for years. She is younger than me, she is hotter than me, and she is (except for one week out of the month) generally pleasant to work for. Being young and driven causes her to ride my ass about appearing on our work website on Facebook promoting our restaurant. Every week she posts a picture and an employee “profile”, listing our favorite house beer, the entrĂ©e we enjoy most, and an interesting personal fact. Fabulous idea. Unless you are pushing 40 and are totally insecure about announcing to the entire internet that you are pushing 40 and still work in the perceived peon stage of the restaurant industry.
Don’t get me wrong. I am proud of what I do, make a lot of money, and so enjoy the flexibility my job allows with three kids and the husband. I do, however, sometimes feel like people expect an explanation. Which they should not. More often, I feel like people owe ME an explanation why they are such assholes. Hence, my list of things I fucking hate about being a server.

1. Bitter bitches. You know the type. Office ass. Office affairs. A general distaste for anyone or anything younger, skinnier, or happier than they think they are. Primary attributes? Condescending banter, unnecessary requests, and a predetermined worthless gratuity.

2. Customers who say, “I’ll just have a water for now”. Ummm… yeah. You are having water. You are not going to pony up the $2.75 for a soft drink or a tea. You are having water. Water drinkers almost require a page to themselves. Hot water with lemon? What the fuck?? Who drinks hot water? It is as much of a pain in the ass as preparing hot tea. Without the $2.75. Water with lemon? I can handle that. Water with a plate of extra lemons? Come on! Get a fucking lemonade. Cheap cheap cheap! And the variations of water? Water with lemon, water with no ice, water with no ice and lemon, water with lime, water with a twist, a soda water with lemon and lime…. really? Fuck off.

3. The splitting of the checks. Generally, I do not mind requests for separate checks. Unless you fuck with me. Today, I had a table of ten that requested separate checks and I happily obliged. Then, seat #1 wanted to pay for seat #5 and #8. Seat #2 wanted to split appetizer with seat #6. Seat #7 had office ass and the rest paid with cash and were suddenly in a hurry.

4. Fighting over the check and trying to make ME decide who is going to win.

5. Whenever I say I’ll be right back with another Pepsi, water, Iced tea, etc. And then someone asks me for a Pepsi, water, Iced tea, or etc.

6. The verbal tip. Need I say more? Because I will…

7. Being an “older’ server. I know those young boys lament because they got the old server. I remember being 21, damn it!! I had a table that loved me last week. The lady says to me, “You’re a great server! Probably because you are a little older”.
Not a compliment, honey.

8. Regular customers who strive to order off the menu. I have one customer I hate spieling our daily special to. Without fail, he will ask me if he can get it in a wrap. I’d like to lie and say I do not know why this annoys me. He annoys me. That is the problem. He is a good tipper, though, so I spiel away and he gets the special in the wrap. And fresh squeezed orange juice. What the fuck?

9. One redhead I work with. She may elicit a page for herself soon.

10. Grown men that pay the bill with a Disney credit card. Pussy.

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